Friday Night At The Mart

Last night I had a couple of hours to kill while Michael was at his school dance. The drive to and from school is far enough that it didn't make any sense to go back and forth. Not to mention, I had a bunch of those awesome $3/3 Nabisco coupons which were set to expire yesterday, and I would've cried if I let those go to waste.

So, I decided to spend my Friday night at Walmart. Yes, I'm well aware that there is something very, very wrong with that. Terribly wrong. But I was encouraged to see other parents just like me, pushing their carts around with glazed over eyes, most likely wondering how they got there too.

As I strolled around the store, I spied a bunch of balloons floating above several aisles which were jam packed with toys and Christmas merchandise. Bright red balloons emblazoned with the word clearance, which is a festive word indeed. All stores should have balloons floating above clearanced merchandise. It certainly is a reason to celebrate.

Now, you'd think that if they took the time to make balloons for a clearance event, it would be something to write about. And considering it's a full month past Christmas, the deals should be amazing to clear the crap off the shelves. You would think, anyway.

But as it turns out, the rows of clearanced toys weren't even 50% off. Most were marked 25% off. And the Christmas merchandise that hit 90% off at Target forever ago? 50% off at Walmart.

Walmart could really learn a thing or two from Target. Don't you think?

But to be totally fair, there were a few good deals to be had. While checking out the toy aisle, I stumbled across this horn mounting kit. Now, I live in suburbia, mind you. And yes, I've seen a couple deer in these here parts, but nothing with antlers that would warrant mounting. Maybe this is why it's on clearance.

That said, I think this would make an excellent men's protective cup. It's even flocked. It could be the next greatest fashion trend. C'mon, look at it. Tell me that doesn't scream protective cup. You know it does.

Right next to the flocked cup I found a clearanced blood tracker, which made me acutely aware of how pathetic my life has become as I stood there on a Friday night, in Walmart, under clearance balloons, wondering not only what the hell someone would do with this, but why it was sitting next to a display of Zhu Zhu pets.

So, that was my Friday night. It doesn't get much better than that, does it?