When big changes happen in your life it can make you rather emotional. And right now I’m all sorts of emotional angst. Not because I’m questioning my decision to marry The Colonel. On the contrary, I’m certain to the very core of my being that he is my forever match.
It’s all the little stuff that goes into planning a wedding that’s partly responsible for my anxiety. Even though this is a small wedding, there are just as many wheels in motion as a larger one. And when it’s a second time around wedding, you have the added stress of kid issues, bills, schedules and lots of other things you didn’t have going on when you were younger.
And I know this will sound odd, but that wedding stress isn’t exactly a bad thing. Nothing has gone awry and there are no issues with the vendors. It’s just that having all those components in the back of my mind is a little overwhelming. In a good way if that makes sense, but I’m sure it doesn’t.
Another thing I’m struggling with is the family part. I spoke to that in my last post, but I didn’t do it right.
What I should’ve said was that I’m really sad that my extended family and I are at odds and that I wish we weren’t. Planning a wedding makes you look hard at your family relationships, and even though I don’t have a positive relationship with certain family members, I wish I did.
Because that’s the truth of the matter.
Even though I’ve had issues with my family for years now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss them or miss the relationship we could’ve had if things were different.
And even though my relationship with some of my extended family (not all) is not good, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t good people.
I know I said differently in my last post, but that isn’t entirely true, so I want to clarify…
In life there are people who are very good, but their personalities clash with others which can make two perfectly good people bad with each other.
And I think that’s the dynamic with certain members of my family.
The people I’ve been at odds with over the years are God fearing good people who do quite wonderful things for other people. There are so many times I can remember when strangers were invited to the Thanksgiving dinner table because there was nowhere else for them to go.
These same relatives volunteer with their churches and do selfless acts of love for others in need. They feed the poor, tithe to the church and are active in their communities.
All of that is true. And I’m sure that there are lives that have been changed because of their acts of service.
These same people were a positive part of my life and were my support system when my mother walked away.
That can’t be denied or discounted.
We also have much in common…
We’re passionate about what we believe in and will do whatever it takes to work for a cause that means something to us.
My love of cooking comes from this family. It’s in our blood.
We all have the gift of expression. Some sing, others write and some act. Every single one of us has a clear talent that we use to share our gifts with the world. Without exception, we all directly impact many lives. Clearly God intended this family to reach many people.
So as you can see, they’re not bad people.
We just don’t see eye to eye which makes communication impossible.
I don’t think I’ll ever have a relationship with this part of my family again, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not responsible for my words.
So this is a correction of sorts to my last post which I am editing to remove a part that I now regret. And I want that family to know that while I recognize that our issues can’t be resolved, I’m sorry if I offended them which I’m certain I did.
We all have our issues. Myself included. And while we can’t choose our family, we can choose how we behave towards those same people.
I’m turning the comments off on this post because I just wanted to make this statement to clear the air.
I was wrong. I am sorry and I promise to not use my words as a weapon ever again because that’s not the kind of person I want to be.