web analytics


When big changes happen in your life it can make you rather emotional. And right now I’m all sorts of emotional angst. Not because I’m questioning my decision to marry The Colonel. On the contrary, I’m certain to the very core of my being that he is my forever match.

It’s all the little stuff that goes into planning a wedding that’s partly responsible for my anxiety. Even though this is a small wedding, there are just as many wheels in motion as a larger one. And when it’s a second time around wedding, you have the added stress of kid issues, bills, schedules and lots of other things you didn’t have going on when you were younger.

And I know this will sound odd, but that wedding stress isn’t exactly a bad thing. Nothing has gone awry and there are no issues with the vendors. It’s just that having all those components in the back of my mind is a little overwhelming. In a good way if that makes sense, but I’m sure it doesn’t.

Another thing I’m struggling with is the family part. I spoke to that in my last post, but I didn’t do it right.

What I should’ve said was that I’m really sad that my extended family and I are at odds and that I wish we weren’t. Planning a wedding makes you look hard at your family relationships, and even though I don’t have a positive relationship with certain family members, I wish I did.

Because that’s the truth of the matter.

Even though I’ve had issues with my family for years now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss them or miss the relationship we could’ve had if things were different.

And even though my relationship with some of my extended family (not all) is not good, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t good people.

I know I said differently in my last post, but that isn’t entirely true, so I want to clarify…

In life there are people who are very good, but their personalities clash with others which can make two perfectly good people bad with each other.

And I think that’s the dynamic with certain members of my family.

The people I’ve been at odds with over the years are God fearing good people who do quite wonderful things for other people. There are so many times I can remember when strangers were invited to the Thanksgiving dinner table because there was nowhere else for them to go.

These same relatives volunteer with their churches and do selfless acts of love for others in need. They feed the poor, tithe to the church and are active in their communities.

All of that is true. And I’m sure that there are lives that have been changed because of their acts of service.

These same people were a positive part of my life and were my support system when my mother walked away.

That can’t be denied or discounted.

We also have much in common…

We’re passionate about what we believe in and will do whatever it takes to work for a cause that means something to us.

My love of cooking comes from this family. It’s in our blood.

We all have the gift of expression. Some sing, others write and some act. Every single one of us has a clear talent that we use to share our gifts with the world. Without exception, we all directly impact many lives. Clearly God intended this family to reach many people.

So as you can see, they’re not bad people.

We just don’t see eye to eye which makes communication impossible.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a relationship with this part of my family again, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not responsible for my words.

So this is a correction of sorts to my last post which I am editing to remove a part that I now regret. And I want that family to know that while I recognize that our issues can’t be resolved, I’m sorry if I offended them which I’m certain I did.

We all have our issues. Myself included. And while we can’t choose our family, we can choose how we behave towards those same people.

I’m turning the comments off on this post because I just wanted to make this statement to clear the air.

I was wrong. I am sorry and I promise to not use my words as a weapon ever again because that’s not the kind of person I want to be.

I Do

Melanie and The Colonel
I am getting married in just a matter of days. For the second time, that is. This is not my first rodeo as many of you know.

I am a second time bride. A little bruised, a bit nicked around the edges, not quite as glossy eyed and about as far from my twenty-three year old self as I could possibly get which was my age when I got married the first time around.

I have changed.

Why? What’s made me different than who I was at the age of twenty-three?

Let me clue you in…

The death of a baby. Do not underestimate how the death of your offspring can change who you are right to your core. The day Nina died a huge part of me died with her. And the Melanie that was born from that trauma… I don’t even have the words…

It’s been fourteen years since her death and I still can’t spend too much time reflecting on it or I… actually I’m not even sure what I’d do because I don’t allow the thought to begin with. Self preservation.

And then there were the in-between years which I can’t discuss because they were years of transition between my ex and I. Stuff that I can’t discuss because I promised I wouldn’t, but they are the fill in the blank years that would make my divorce seem more understandable if I could explain my side of the story, but I can’t.

It’s amazing how much of my life I can’t explain to you because of the obligations I feel for other people.

And then there was the accident. That was the seal the deal moment. When you face death everything becomes crystal clear. All the good and all the bad becomes an immediate black and white kind of thing. In that moment you know what is right in your life and what is definitely wrong.

I promised myself that if I walked again and if I had the strength to start over again, I would.

Which leads me to where I am today. Steps away from saying “I do” again.

My wedding will be a small celebration. Only my very closest family and friends will be attending because unlike the first time around, I’ve learned that for me, in my life, the people that matter the most are a small tight knit group of people who love me for who I am.

The people I am celebrating my marriage with are the people who have proven over many years that they are there for me. And I for them, for that matter. My friendships are a beautiful give and take which will also be celebrated at our wedding.

These people who are coming, not only have they supported me, they’ve also supported The Colonel and let me tell you, The Colonel does not take that lightly. He is profoundly thankful for the support we’ve received and is looking forward to showering our wedding guests with a weekend of love and gratitude they won’t soon forget.

It will be a glorious affair filled with love, laughter, over the top food (are you surprised?) and so much music. Actually, The Colonel and I were so very particular about the music that we came up with our own list of songs that absolutely must be played at the wedding. We’re cut from the same cloth that way, apparently.

And because I’m going to be offline for a bit while we celebrate with family and friends, I thought I’d share our song with you. The first song we’ll dance to at our wedding…

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see snaps from the wedding as it progresses. Otherwise, I’ll be back on the blog once everything settles down.

Thank you so much for supporting me. I know it’s been a year of change here on the blog, but know that we are SO excited for this new chapter and that we are completely thrilled to share this new life with you.