I wanted my last post from Massachusetts to be light and bouncy. Something positive and full of hope for a happier future. But the truth of the matter is that I’m desperately trying to keep everything together right now and I feel like I’m drowning.
I’m literally surrounded by boxes. Walls of boxes everywhere I look. And still, not everything is packed and the moving truck is coming this weekend. Packing up twenty plus years of my own accumulated possessions plus my children’s has drained every bit of optimism out of me.
I greatly underestimated how hard it would be to pack this house up on my own.
Also, some things can’t be packed into boxes…
On my mental “must do” list is to visit Nina’s tree and her grave one last time because I’m not certain I will ever get the opportunity to do so again.
I guess I should’ve started with that task because now I’m too drained to do it. Heck, I could hardly do those things on a good day. Now that I’m in a raw and frenzied state, I don’t think it’s in my best interest or my kids’ best interest to do one more heavy thing.
How do you say goodbye to a grave? Why do I feel guilty for not doing that? Humans are strange. Or maybe it’s just me. I mean, she’s not there, but yet I feel like I should say goodbye to that physical space she occupies.
Or maybe I’m just exhausted. Everything is a blur right now.
I know this post is disjointed. I know it’s not inspiring. But at least it’s honest.
This coming week is going to be a stressful one. I may not be able to post for a week or two. I just need to get to the new house, settle my children and find our new normal.
I’ll be back soon…