I'm Not Martha

Some time ago, Jeff chided me over a blog post I had written. Not that it was anything really controversial, and honestly I can't remember what the topic was. I even think he said it in jest, but it really got to me. "They think you're Martha Stewart." Oh please, I said. I'm no Martha.

Maybe it was a post about the kids, in which case I made sure they looked somewhat clean and presentable. Truth be told, they are usually a mess from running around outside, or there's jam stuck to their cheeks, and half the time their bottoms are falling off because they Never. Stop. Moving.

Or it could've been a recipe post of some marvelous dinner or dessert I'd made that day. But let me assure you, there are days that the best I can do is make a box of Mac-N-Cheese with a side of chicken nuggets. No veggies at all. Because as important as it is to me that my kids eat well, life happens. Time has a way of killing the best of my intentions.

And even though I save a tremendous amount of money using coupons, occasionally I'll buy a full price steak just because I want to eat it. Cravings also have a way of messing with my intentions. I have moments of weakness. It's true.

That woman I present myself as? The positive, happy, spirited, snarky, me that you've gotten to know? Yup, that's part of me, but there's another side as well. I get discouraged. I cry. Actually, I cry a lot.

Lately it's been mostly over parenting issues. Maybe I look like super mom to you, but that isn't the case. I have two special needs kids that give me a run for my money. I have teens who keep me up at night worrying about their futures. I worry enough for both of my teens because I feel like they don't worry enough for themselves. Crazy, huh?

If you think I'm good at couponing and cooking, you'd be even more impressed with my skills at worrying. I'm an expert worrier.....

Will my kids grow up to be successful adults? What is successful?

Where am I going and how will I know when I get there?

Did I leave any type of favorable mark on the world (boy did I think on this 7 months ago in the hospital)?

Is my blog worth continuing? Does it even matter? (don't panic, all bloggers feel like this now and again)

Will I ever fit in my size 8 jeans again?

Will my kids ever learn to chew with their mouths closed? Eat with their elbows off the table? And what is so hard about putting the damn napkin on the lap? God, I hope they are civilized at other people's houses.

Are the kids trading their lunches for Twinkies?

Will Kraft cheese ever go on sale again?

Did I see a new wrinkle on my left eye this morning? What is that bump on my left butt cheek?? It wasn't there yesterday, was it?

When will I be able to walk on the sidewalk again? Spring is coming. I'm going to have to face this phobia or I'll never have a normal life again.

So, you see, not only am I not perfect, I'm not even close to normal. Today I'm supposed to be out coupon shopping like I do every other Sunday morning. It's part of my routine. But today I had a rough start.

Family issues, commitments, and other things that prohibited me from leaving the house this morning. All the while I was worried that I wouldn't have a Sunday couponing post up for you. And I guess that's a good thing. To show you that I'm not as together as you may think. Not by a long shot.

I'm not Martha. So please, keep that in mind when you see those beautiful food pics, those neat well dressed kids, all the products I get deals on, my smiling face. That it's only one slice of my life. One glimpse at that moment in time.

Know that there are tears, fears, and mistakes that are also part of this life I lead. Blogs have a way of making everything look glossy, don't they? Don't let that fool you. Behind every beautiful blog, there is a real person with real problems. I just wanted to make sure you know that.

Friday Night At The Mart

Last night I had a couple of hours to kill while Michael was at his school dance. The drive to and from school is far enough that it didn't make any sense to go back and forth. Not to mention, I had a bunch of those awesome $3/3 Nabisco coupons which were set to expire yesterday, and I would've cried if I let those go to waste.

So, I decided to spend my Friday night at Walmart. Yes, I'm well aware that there is something very, very wrong with that. Terribly wrong. But I was encouraged to see other parents just like me, pushing their carts around with glazed over eyes, most likely wondering how they got there too.

As I strolled around the store, I spied a bunch of balloons floating above several aisles which were jam packed with toys and Christmas merchandise. Bright red balloons emblazoned with the word clearance, which is a festive word indeed. All stores should have balloons floating above clearanced merchandise. It certainly is a reason to celebrate.

Now, you'd think that if they took the time to make balloons for a clearance event, it would be something to write about. And considering it's a full month past Christmas, the deals should be amazing to clear the crap off the shelves. You would think, anyway.

But as it turns out, the rows of clearanced toys weren't even 50% off. Most were marked 25% off. And the Christmas merchandise that hit 90% off at Target forever ago? 50% off at Walmart.

Walmart could really learn a thing or two from Target. Don't you think?

But to be totally fair, there were a few good deals to be had. While checking out the toy aisle, I stumbled across this horn mounting kit. Now, I live in suburbia, mind you. And yes, I've seen a couple deer in these here parts, but nothing with antlers that would warrant mounting. Maybe this is why it's on clearance.

That said, I think this would make an excellent men's protective cup. It's even flocked. It could be the next greatest fashion trend. C'mon, look at it. Tell me that doesn't scream protective cup. You know it does.

Right next to the flocked cup I found a clearanced blood tracker, which made me acutely aware of how pathetic my life has become as I stood there on a Friday night, in Walmart, under clearance balloons, wondering not only what the hell someone would do with this, but why it was sitting next to a display of Zhu Zhu pets.

So, that was my Friday night. It doesn't get much better than that, does it?

A Guest Post from a Non- Couponer

Hi everyone!  My name is Sarah and I blog at In the Trenches of Mommyhood.  I met Melanie one fateful day at a Boston Parent Bloggers event and was immediately drawn to her sparkly personality.  Shortly thereafter, we both attended the BlissDom conference and truly got to bond over a few meals, a few (more) glasses of wine and some long heartfelt chats.  

I am so fascinated by what Melanie does here on this site.  Her stories, her couponing, her recipes and her pictures all tell a story.  A good story.  One with character and flavor, much like Melanie herself.  But, I am sad to report that however inspiring I find Melanie to be (and it's a TON!), sadly, none of her couponing magic has yet rubbed off on me during the time we have been friends.

I read Melanie's blog regularly (hers is the only frugal blog I read) and always come away feeling motivated.  And I think to myself, "Ok, self, you can DO this.  You CAN save money at the grocery store.  Go git 'em girl!"  (Except we live in Massachusetts so it's not really a "Go git e'm", it's more like a "Go be wicked smaht like the Coupon Goddess.")

I don't even regularly GET a Sunday newspaper.  But one weekend my husband purchased one so I sorted through the coupon ads.  And actually clipped some!  All the while thinking of just how PROUD of me Melanie would be.

I went to the store, those 4 coupons secured snugly in my pocket.  (Baby steps here, folks!)

But once inside, that's where things started to break down:

I only needed ONE package of crescent rolls!  But the coupon said I had to buy two!  I didn't want two!

The coupon I had was for Daisy sour cream!  But my store only had Breakstone brand!

I had a coupon for salad dressing!  I could use it! BUT, a different brand of salad dressing was on sale that week!  At a cheaper price!

And then I gave up once I read my yogurt coupon.  I had to buy 10??? But they'd be expired before I could eat them all!  No thanks.

You guys, I was literally SWEATING in the grocery aisles.

I walked out of there after my shopping was done, not having redeemed one single coupon.  They were still crumpled messily in my coat pocket, where they remain today.  (I imagine that Melanie is probably twitching right about now.)

I fully admit that couponing is just not for me.  But reading all about Melanie's couponing exploits and living vicariously through her?  That, I can do.

Clearly, I am not a Coupon Goddess.  But my friend Melanie is.

The Kids vs. Mom, Who Will Win?

Last weekend I walked into the girls room and had a mental breakdown. There was so much clutter and crap in the room that I could barely find the kids when it was time to kiss them goodnight. Not that they care or anything (about the room, not the kiss), as I'm convinced that they thrive when surrounded by chaos.

Be that as it may, I do not function well amidst chaos, so something had to give. That something was a complete day dedicated to gutting out their bedroom and removing anything that they haven't touched in awhile, which turned out to be most of it.

After a full day of cleaning and organizing, the room started to look like the kind of room I had imagined a child of mine would have when I was daydreaming about this crap during 12th grade algebra. What happened to that sweet, quiet, pig tailed girl who said "yes Mommy" to everything I asked, that I had imagined in my youth?

And what about that boy who should be practicing his Stradivarius and doing his homework without being hounded thirty times a day? Does that kid upstairs who's playing his Fender at ear splitting decibels even know what a Stradivarius is? Don't even get me started on his room. I'd need a hazmat team to tackle that hell hole, toxic dump, waste land, abyss.

But I digress, we are talking about the girls currently. After spending an entire day fixing that disaster area, I lectured them on the importance of keeping the room clean, and how much it would mean to Mommy if they could just keep it that way for awhile. They smiled at me sweetly and pinky swore that they would. And I believed them. Sucker.

The picture above is their room this morning, which I didn't know about until after they got on the bus. Either the animals were on a stuffing bender all night long, or the girls are practicing to become teenagers. Either way, I quit.

If your daughter is quietly reading books and doing what she's told, or if your son is happily playing his violin, let me know. I think the hospital screwed things up. Come bring back my kid.

More Trader Joe's Magic

As promised, here's another post dedicated to an exceptional product I've found at Trader Joe's. A product that's affordable, versatile and gives you some bang for your buck. Satay Peanut Sauce. If you like Thai, you are in for a treat.

This satay sauce is not only a literal bargain at $2.69 for a 9oz jar, it's a veritable caloric bargain too. There's only 30 calories per tablespoon, which is hard to believe when you taste it. It's got a rich peanuty taste with a bit of zing to it. And while it's perfect for dipping chicken skewers into, I've found that it's wonderful in recipes as well.

In preparation for dinner this evening, I soaked some rice noodles in very hot water for a few minutes.

See how nice and pliable the noodles become? No boiling necessary! A quick base for a hearty meal.

Then I tossed the noodles into a skillet with some sauteed onions, peppers and broccoli.

In goes the jar of satay sauce. Drool.

A quick stir over medium heat to get things all hot and bothered. What? Shouldn't food get hot and bothered? I think YES!

A few pieces of chicken leftover from last night's dinner are placed on top because I totally believe in using up leftovers no matter what. And since I'm in a sassy mood, some crushed peanuts as the finishing touch!

And if you love this satay sauce as much as I do, you can drizzle some more on top of your dinner because it is so very, very delicious.

This satay sauce will be a permanent staple in my house from now on. I can see myself using this not only in pasta dishes, but also as a topping for baked chicken, drizzled on grilled shrimp, and as a dressing for a Thai style salad. Enjoy!

This post is NOT sponsored by Trader Joe's. Just an honest review of a product that I consider a good value.

Forget The Splenda, Go For The Herbs

When I was a little kid, I used to get embarrassed when my beloved Mom Mom (grandma) would take a few Sweet-n-Low packets home with her from whatever food establishment we were visiting. I'd roll my eyes and swear that I'd never be the woman who would do that.

Fast forward to today. Not only am I that woman, I've raised the bar.....

Last night I was invited to join Jeff and his co-worker/friend for dinner. His friend had flown in and the two of them had training meetings in the city this week. They asked if I'd like to join them for dinner most likely as a preemptive strike, as I tend to complain loudly when Jeff goes out for nice dinners for work while I eat mac-n-cheese with the kids.

At any rate, when our plates arrived, all three plates were beautifully decorated with branches of rosemary. And I do mean branches. You'd pay out the nose for this stuff at the grocery store.

I sat there for a little while and contemplated what to do. I certainly wasn't going to let that beautiful rosemary garnish go to waste. But what would his co-worker think if I rolled it up in a napkin and stuffed it in my purse?

Could I do it discreetly? Maybe he'd go to the bathroom and I could shove it in my purse while he was gone. Would he even notice if I plucked his rosemary off his plate during his absence? His branch was even heartier than my own. Oh, the rosemary chicken I could make with that baby! But that didn't work out either. He has a large bladder, apparently.

Finally I just spat it out and asked if anyone would mind if I took the rosemary home with me since clearly nobody was going to eat it. Jeff looked at me like I had twenty heads and two dozen snakes sticking out of my scalp. His buddy didn't even hesitate. He plucked the garnish out of his dish and passed it across the table while Jeff shook his head.

I have become that woman.

I told them that I was actually being eco friendly and environmentally conscious. Recycling, repurposing, upcycling, being green, and any other earth friendly term I could muster to justify my questionable dinner behavior. Really, they should thank me for my thoughtfulness.

Oh, and just so you know. If you leave rosemary in your purse overnight, your checkbook will smell like it spent the week in Tuscany without you even having to spend a penny. You're welcome.

How about you? What's the strangest thing you've ever brought home from a restaurant?

Happy Blogiversary To Me!

The first week of January marked my third year of blogging here on The Coupon Goddess. Three years. That's a long time to be writing about coupons. That's a long time to be writing about anything now that I think about it.

You'd think I'd run out of stuff to write about after three years. Fortunately, I'm never at a loss for words.

To celebrate three years of blogging, I'm going to give away an assortment of products that I think you'll really like...

Don't these look delicious? I can see these cookies perched on a plate next to a steaming mug of coffee.

I'm making this for dessert this coming weekend. I cannot wait.

Life is just better with cupcakes.

Can you think of a cuter way to start your kid's day?

And you certainly can't bake without a new William's Sonoma pink and green striped apron. 

All of the products shown will go to one lucky reader who comments on this post. Leave your first name, last initial, and the state you are from. Easy peasy. Entries must be received by Monday, January 30th 11:59pm ET.

It's been an amazing three years here at TCG. Thank you for taking the time to come by. Your comments and visits mean the world to me and I cannot imagine life without you in it. You've all been a blessing. Thank you so much.